Mommy: Weezee, come here - I teach you and M-------- Thai language. Repeat after me: pom - like "pohm"-
Me: like pomme?
Mommy: Yes. Now say rrrack (rolling her R's). hee heeee. Rrrack. Pom rack koung. Like coon. Now you too say with me: pom rack koung.
Us: "Pommeraccoon."
M--------: What's it mean?
Mommy: It mean "I love you" in Thai. Pom how boy says "I." Rack mean love. Koung mean "you" to girl. So M-------- you say to girlfriend, "M--------- rack A----------."
Me: Pom sounds like apple Mommy.
Mommy: What!?
Me: Like the French word for apple.
Mommy: Mommy speak French Skinny Boy; it not apple.
Me: I know. And rack koung sounds like raccoon. You know, a raccoon.
Mommy: Tsk! Aaaaaaa. Oi na!
Me: Hahaha.
. . .
Me: Hey, Mommy . . . APPLE RACCOON!!!
Mommy: Oi na! SILLY BOI!!
. . .
Mommy: Mommy love you too!
If that's not magical, I don't know what is. It's like, when an old Thai woman makes ragu for a young Italian guy. Which is exactly what Mommy did for me today. And let me tell you reader, ragu's never tasted so delicious - A. because it was made by an old Thai woman, and B. because it was made with apple and raccoon.
Strangely, this is the second time in my life an Asian has made ragu for me. Never once by an Italian. Strange? Not really. I once stir-fried eggplant for a girl who claimed it was better than her Chinese mother's. A cook is a cook is a cook is a cook, after all. Mommy just calls us international chefs. Aw mommy- there must be some kind of god-like kitchen character in Chinese lore somewhere that resembles her in one way or another. I say resembles, because the universe probably had it all planned out before even bringing her or said character into existence. She's the kind of woman you'd want to take to heaven and eat peaches with all day.
And don't worry dear reader, apple raccoon you, too.
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