Read My Forehead!

Mommy: M-------, why you put your hair in your face like that, you look like little gerl. You afraid of showing forehead? You hiding something under there!

Me: I don't know why you just don't put your hair under your cap M--; no one cares how you look in the kitchen.

Mommy: Yeah, put it away, c'mon. You afraid of showing your forehead? Show me your forehead, Mommy will read it for you. I tell you who you are.

Me: Mommy! You read foreheads!

Mommy: yyyeEEAAHH!!

Me: Well, I have no hair Mommy -here, read mine.

Mommy: Okay, but don't be angry. Don't be mad at Mommy.

Me: Why would I be mad at my mom?

Mommy: No your mum, at mommy (placing hand on her chest).

Me: Mad at you? It's my forehead's fault, not yours. Go ahead.

Mommy: Okay...

You always worrying. Big worrier. Worry worry worry.

Me: Hit the nail on the head.

Mommy: You a little jealous of others too.

Me: Who is this woman?

Mommy: You have to do things your way. Always your way.

Me: I don't know if that's true Mommy.

Mommy: Yes. People tell you to do things there way and you do, but just to get them away. You do things others' way only to do your way.

Me:?

Mommy: And you don't like sharing your talents. You believe in yourself more than others, but don't like to show others. You need more confidence. Right now, you very unsure, like you on a fence going, "ohhOOhhOOhhh" (*pretending to balance*). But when you are decided, you will be better than the rest.



I have so many creases on my forehead you'd think it was a palimpsest, which would explain why Mommy could read me so well. Was she fishing? No way. Not. Ever!



"GoodLucky"


The Asian restaurant circuit is a funny thing. I'm all for celebrity product placement, and I know that Asia loves a good celebrity pasted on whatever box of crackers they can create, but when I came across the following little gem in the hands of my employer I couldn't help but laugh. Today Mommy was leafing through a yearly Chinese calender given by and advertising the only Thai/Viet grocery supplier in the region and which most likely supplies to every restaurant in the greater tri-city. Personally, it's one of my favourite places to shop: bright lights AND neon signs inside the store giving way to something almost existential, LCD TVs above the registers playing whatever is on Vietnam's favourite TV station; and of course, the loud, undulating, ear massaging sounds of some, probably gorgeous, Vietnamese singer. And don't forget the smell. And the sea cucumber. And the worker that accidentally drops a live fish and hits it with a paddle in order to pick it up again. I'm in love.
And what better way to advertise awesome location than with some totally unrelated Mainland Chinese actress posted on to a huge poster-like calender? If you can think of one, I'd like to hear it.

Mommy had been turning each of its pages reading the names of actresses in her best Chinese voice when she caught my attention. It was all uphill from there. As soon as I saw none other than Liu Yi Fei, I was hooked, I had to have it! Liu Yi Fei was the whole reason I started studying Chinese - at least, I think it was her. Either her or Jackie Chan -I know, I know, Jackie Chan's from Hong Kong. But he was speaking Mandarin in Forbidden Kingdom. Wait, I think the reason I started studying Chinese was because I had the awesome idea of learning Mandarin, travelling to China and eking out old Kung Fu masters just like my teacher did before me; this, a result of being dazzled by Jackie Chan and Jet Li's epic fighting sequences. Now that I think of it, I didn't like Liu Yi Fei in the movie at all, her character being a constant distraction to the story's hero, of whom had to learn kung fu in order to return the staff to the Monkey King. Oh yeah, it's epic. I mean, as much as I like the white man's post-colonial take on whiteness in the kung fu genre, and the ridiculous notion of projecting every none Asian male onto an otherwise Caucasian protagonist, humouring any kind of Asian female fantasy he may have, engaging his love-sick psyche and making him believe once again that anything exotic is his and has always belonged to him even before he knew about its existence so he shouldn't feel wrong, or guilty for just taking it. Well, I just had to object. If it's not kung fu, and it's not cooking, no thank you.
So, I asked Mommy if I could have the poster, and she said yes, exclaiming that she doesn't keep calenders in the house, especially Chinese calenders. We argued about each page's actress (being a stickler for Chinese popular culture), where they were from: Hong Kong or China, how Thai they looked, and if they were even Chinese in the first place. From there, all other kinds of prejudices ensued, and let me tell you, there is nothing in this life like an old Thai woman scolding Chinese popular culture for whatever reason. To each her own. I still got my junkie Asian grocery store poster. And that is some, as the mistranslated Engrish on my new poster says: "goodlucky."

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