I’ve been saddled on and off with the label of hipster, or
‘original hipster,’ as my compatriots like to shamefully call me. It happens
everywhere I go actually: parties, work, bedroom mirror. I guess it’s been a
long time coming. I’m underemployed, thrifty, prodigal, polemical. I don’t have
a funny moustache though, or any knowledge of folk music, or owls, or old
furniture. I actually don’t have any furniture. I do have a couple Cosby
sweaters though that I bought for a couple bucks. And I look good in them. I am
a fan of Nick Wooster too. I’m not entirely sure that counts though. I also have
a thing against Authenticity, as you all probably already know. Anyway, what
I’m getting at is, if you gaze long enough into the abyss, the abyss will gaze
back into you. So, I guess I’m finally paying for my mistake. And I have the Yeti
café to thank for finally helping me to realize this. It was there, a space
riddled with kitsch, a mess of retro furniture, folksy photos, novel paintings
of Sasquatch in the wilderness, amenable recycled glass bottles full of water,
vegan bacon, where I realized, while attempting to help Joey find love, that I
probably am some weird, liminal, ultimate, self-shaming hipster. The fact that
I’m calling myself one speaks even more to the fact. Terrible. But Joey and I
love the Yeti café. We do. It’s weird. We’ve avoided it for so long. It wasn’t
until our out-of-town friend, urban and beautiful, yearned for a place that
jeered the whole neighbourhood of Williamsburg. So we went. Intending to shame
it. But then we went back, and back again, enjoying the novel coffee options,
the strange in glass presentations of espressos with foam, the rose water
marshmallows, the affable counter attendee. Ironically, at the Yeti, Joey and I
can just be. And get fed if we so please. Sandwiches, salads, quiche, even
breakfast: eggs, bacon, pancakes, all doable in a small, manageable space. I’m
absolutely thoughtless if I’m not mentioning the place’s baked goods either.
All outsourced, but it’s not my prerogative to talk anymore about them. The
Yeti knows where to get a good interesting thing, like protein breakfast bars,
nutrition riddled cookies: spicy in aroma, light, and airy with puffed sesame
seeds. There’s fresh squeezed juice,
homemade lemonade in mason jars, ready for anyone curious enough to crack them
open. I certainly couldn’t resist the stirring infusion of mint and thyme.
Unfortunately, mine was a jar of tart, chalky drink, semi sweet, devoid of what
flavor the place said was in it. The sprigs of thyme were in the brew, but the
flavor wasn’t, and nothing minty either. Still, it could be a good idea,
provided it works.
Joey bought his usual cortado, this time charmed with a
bagel topped with avocado, cheddar, bacon, tomato, and a garlic aioli that made
the entire thing buzz. Without it, as far as we were concerned, it would have
just been a sandwich, but that strange aioli made it a phenomenon.
Something a little more ambitious and liminoid called to me:
the Vegan BLT. A good ol’ 7 grain sandwich bundled with a mix of lettuces-
cabbage included- tomato, and avocado with vegan mayo: a thick, heavy spread,
headier than non-vegan mayo. I can’t say I minded it. For something so
meatless, it was pretty substantial. My only real qualm was the limp micro greens
used to garnish the thing. Like I wasn’t good enough for fresh? Or maybe I’m
too hip to care about it? Anyway, the vegan bacon was what really called me
into a world of culinary performance and pretend. Flaked coconut was pan-fried,
I assume with things like tamari, liquid smoke, or whatever else, to make a
perfectly sweet simulacrum of what we all remember as the cooked backs of
beasts. My sandwich had a generous serving of it too. And Joey and I were
generously served, allowed to be as liminoid as we pleased, until, of course,
we had to enter the real world and leave.
The Yeti
(519) 744-4643
|
14 Eby St North
Kitchener, ON
Tue - Fri: 9:30 am - 5:00 pm
Sat: 7:00 am - 4:00 pm
Sun: 10:00 am - 3:00 pm
ANY PAYMENT




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