The Yellow Menace

I couldn't resist a cheap Chinese meal- and I kept passing this place so I figured: whatever. The counter girl was cute. I hope she reads this. But I hope she stops there, because it's typical Chinese-Canadian fare. Unpopular, cheap, and loved by the old and White. Fr realz. That's all I saw coming into the place: old White women. Late teenage Cantonese boys cooking for old White women. Go if you want a cheap lunch, but don't support the continual Orientalization of China cuisine. The most interesting surprise? They dice the vegetables instead of slice them. A sure fire sign of catering to a White, barbaric, Western demographic that pierces with a fork and knife, not the tender touch of two tiny chopsticks. How unorthodox. Oh, and the Coup de grace? the cook- again, a late teenager mind you- who comes out of the kitchen to stomp down the garbage in the lobby with his cool converse shoes. Someone was more concerned with looking like Jason Derulo then showing a little culinary grace. Another day my heart breaks. I cried on the inside. There I was, a man who yearned to work even in the most pathetic of Chinese food joints all his young life. Even Star Wok. And there that kid was, stomping garbage and wishing he could be laying chicks in a rap video. I know. I heard him and the other cook belting out Cantonese love ballads around the corner of my booth. But no, people see my Whiteness, not my passion. They see his Yellowness, not his complacency. The theatre of culinary performance is still big business to the old people who keep shitty places like these in business. I can't blame them for living on food that was processed, and over-salted, and loving Star Wok's rice reminiscent of Uncle Ben's instant rice. Whatever. Let's not forget the mixing of pre-made sauces for a stir-fry, like chili sauce with peanut. Oh yeah. I went there. I'm taking it personally. But droppin' truth bombz like Reagan did drugs, I wouldn't be surprised if Star Wok stuck around but eventually plateaued in the realm of profit. That's right, this star won't fizzle out any time soon. Again, diced vegetables- seriously? Yeah, it's cheap but so what, last time I checked, even successful, tasty food restaurants buy cheap ingredients, but can still make good tasting meals. Proof that food is the ultimate commodity fetish. Value applied to the artisanship of the cook, who's creativity is enough not to make crap, and ballsy enough to make you think you should pay for it. No Barthesian shit here. There are no rare ingredients inaccessible in this town- hell, even in Chinese food. Let's stop catering to bad, unhealthy, dare I say, overweight palettes, shall we? Maybe we can introduce a better fare, and eliminate this dreaded food Orientalism.

Oh, and if there's one really important lesson I took away from this venture, its to not put a packaged egg roll in your bag, unless you want an oily memento. I'm talking about a stain. An oily mess. An apparition of Mao forever reminding me of what real Chinese food isn't. Happy eating.
Love,

Weezee

Star Wok94 Bridgeport Rd E
Waterloo, ON N2J 2J9
(519) 886-1688

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